My misadventure in girlcotting Malwart

Continuing from my last post, I had determined that I was going to 'girlcott' Malwart. Most of you call it Wal-Mart, but I must be unique in going against the grain.

 My temporary roommate said he was taking me out to eat. That was fine and dandy. I wolfed so much Asian cuisine down in such a small amount of time it must have looked like I was training for the munchie olympics. My fortune was something to the effect of "Bold moves allow for unseen power", whatever that must mean.

 Little did I know that our next stop was the dreaded Mal-Wart. I actually went inside, not realizing that to girlcott, I had stated that I would not pass through the gates. They have doors, not gates, so I get by on that one with a technicality.

 I was slowly following my roomie, detesting the thought of how many products I was passing that were made by someone suffering in very bad conditions in a country that couldn't care less about me or my family.

 "I'm feeling ill", I said to my roommate.

 "What's wrong with you?", he asked.

 "I'm coming down with Wal-Mart zombification. I fear the infection will spread soon."

 "You're crazy." was his reply.

 I wanted to take everyone in that store and shake their souls by giving them visions of what this company is really doing to America. I got so aware of the need to awaken the sheep who walked the isles that I told my friend that I was going to go bite some of them to get the infection to spread. I growled after I made that statement while making eye contact with a lost female soul on the make-up isle. She was scared. I just passed like it had never happenned.

 After that, I woke up to the realization that it is very difficult to girlcott a business from inside. So I went outside to silently protest the insidious company. I leaned back on the truck that dropped me off there, struck my best James Dean pose and tried to look as cool as one could in a parking lot of a huge store.

 My mind wandered from what was with all of the single ladies scouting for a new man to the 3 thug-looking youths that kept hitching their pants up. Why were the women using this place to find a mate? Were they all looking for a cheap date, or was it more of looking toward some semblance of familiar love? I have no clue, and had no interest in being the apple of their eyes. To the three thugs, I was thinking of how easy it would have been to best them in an impromtu game of depants and fisticuffs. I'm usually a nonviolent person, but to see those thugs and see how hardcore they thought they were, I wished to see someone take them out and watch their facades just fade away.

 I caught myself before I got too negative. To change the mood to a lighter one, I pressed out a bit of audible flatulence when a well dressed couple passed me. I heard a scoff and laughed so hard I did it again. Fart humour always beats out violence in my world.

 Not one person ended up joining me in my girlcott. I held no sign, chanted no mantra, and made no attempt to sway any of the sheep into cutting off Mal-Warts grip on their hard earned cash.

 In the future, I'll continue to girlcott places like Mal-Wart, but I may be hitting on the single ladies and punching out belt-less thugs in the parking lot.