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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Kidnapped by my own gf!

 Who'd have thought that an invisible woman could hold such power over me! I've been held captive by my girlfriend. Sad thing is, I don't mind.

 I told her that I had to post to my blog, and she's let me have a few minutes to tell my fellow bloggers what's going on.

 Head down to Zombie's Everywhere to check out a little interview. ZE is one of the most entertaining blogs out there, and now I'm on it!

 the link: ZE interview with Shockgrubz

That's all for now, for my invisible gf is flipping the breaker!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My grandparents became massive storms!

Even in the atmosphere, they're together

I thought it odd that 8 years after the day my grandmother passed away, hurricane Irene made landfall. That was her name.

 I found it even more odd that a week later, tropical depression Lee came rushing into Louisiana. Lee was what my late grandpa was called.

 This was actually kind of sweet for me. I don't like that people died and homes were destroyed, but I know that these two were inseparable in life, and it looks so in the afterlife as well.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Prose for pokies

Found In-Tandem, and thought I'd give it a go. Randoomness abounds!

Credits to Natasha
Tribal tat trial, 
Exciting external experiment.
Tattoo Parlor approaches,
So does pending apprehension.

Blood mixing with ink,
Turning stomach, fresh air needed.

 Spikes of skepticism, 
 Chains chingling with chagrin
 Metal meeting meat,
 Blur by during my speeding exit.

 Turn the corner, 
 Naked of markings,
 I retch,
 Breaking patrons judge silently.

 Breathe, retch, repeat.
 Looking up,
 Expecting to see scowls.
 An ink covered lioness winks,
 Peeling stained thoughts and feelings all away.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Accidentally defeating my non-enemies

So, I bike up this road and see a crossing snake. I'm usually very terrified of snakes, sometimes to the point of

an unreasonable fear. Although I have learned about them, I still shuck most rational thought when I see one.

Not this one I was riding up on. I recognized it to be one of the best types of snakes, the kingsnake.

First of all, it's name fits, as it eats other snakes. Especially the poisonous ones that could kill a human. So

after spotting the monarch of reptiles crossing the road, I stop to allow it's progress to the other side. I was

too late, my skidding tires had startled the slithering traveller into stopping on the asphalt as an approaching

jeep crested the hill.

I cringed as I heard the 'thud-thud'. Hopefully his soul left his six foot long body before rebounding to a ring

four foot above the tarmac.

I was saddened.

A song for my least hated enemy species:

"C'mon, Kingy"

 "go fast make it across!"

 "Don't be scared of me"

 "I'm sorry for your loss"

"Damn stinky jeep"

 "With your moldy cloth cover"

 "Go rot in a heap"

 "for killing my favorite enemy".

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Most Epic Dream I've Ever Remembered

Sometimes I don't remember my dreams at all. Usually, it's those days that someone else wakes me up with something to do or the alarm rouses me. If I don't lie there and go through my brain DVR, I'll lose it. So I bet I've had better dreams than the one I'm writing, but I've forgotten them. That said, I now give you:

                           Attack of the Hygiene Nanites

I'm standing against the wall in my sister's room. Everyone who's usually there is present. She's always striving to be the center of attention, and today it's no different. I see her with a silver tray in her lap. On the tray is a bag, containing white powder and a little booklet.

 "Sis, are you doing drugs?" I ask incredulously. I know she's not into that type of stuff, but she is very overweight and hasn't had any diets that work for her. Maybe she went to the drug that makes people skinny. I'm appalled to see this in her lap.

 "No. You haven't heard?" she asks me with a little laugh. She hands me the booklet when I tell her that I haven't 'heard' anything.

 Upon first inspection, the booklet seems to be a how-to instruction containing various information and pictures of what I can only discern as little robot-looking ticks.

 She raises the baggie over her head and starts explaining. "Hygiene nanites are tiny robotic cleaners that you disperse over your head.", she states as she upends the bag of nanites, letting  them fall to her blonde hair.

 "What kind of 'cleaning' do they do?" I ask while I watch the white powder seem to dissapear from her head.

"They process every dead skin cell from your body, from your scalp to the callouses on your feet." She points to her now smooth heel that was just days ago the most rugged part of anyone's foot that I had ever seen. "They even clean your teeth and deodorize all of your stinky bits.", she tells me while I'm standing there dropjawed.

 "But you take two showers a day! You are the cleanest person that I know, you don't need those nanites.", I say while putting my hands up in the air pointing at all of the dirtier individuals in the room.

 Trying to justify her purchase, she tells me, "Yes, but now I don't have to take those showers. I save time and money with these technological marvels.".

 She puts the bag down onto the tray as I just shake my head and sigh, wondering what this world is coming to.

 I'm now in a bar, watching the news on the corner television. I'm seeing what seems to be a zombie. The newscaster is explaining that the cause of the zombie infestation is due to the hygiene nanites battling the body's own micro-organisms.

"It seems to defend against the attacks from mites and creatures native to all humans, the little robots started replicating at such a rate that they cover the entire body in what looks to be decaying flesh.", the newscaster explained as the footage went into a zoomed view of a zombie, showing that what looked like gray skin falling off was just defeated robots falling from the battlefield.

 I'm now in a command center. The only other person in this huge room of controls and monitors is a very attractive female that I believe is my new significant other. She's asking me how I plan to rid the planet of the new zombie horde.

 "I've got to upload some spoiled lubricant to the satellite that feeds these creatures. Although they get their power from the passive voltage native to the human body, they've got to be properly lubed", I point out to her while pushing many buttons on this vast array of controls in front of me. After various controls have been messed with I look to the monitor area and see that the lube has been uploaded to the satellite.

 Now in a field, I'm surrounded by what seems to be an army of shambling zombies, shuffling their way to my untouched flesh. Within feet of them reaching me, I see all of the dead 'skin' sloughs off of them in layers, leaving them looking like the clean humans that they used to be. The zombie closest to me is my sister. I hug her in an embrace that spreads joy throughout the field.

 That's the most epic dream I've ever had. It almost had it all. I wasn't too keen on jumping around settings and timepoints, but I did not have control of this night feature. I liked this dream so much that I submitted it to my local metaphysics office to interpret. I wasn't as pleased with the interpretation as the interpreter was with my dream. He explained that it almost echoed the "Cowboy Bebop" movie, which I had never seen, and gave general outlines how the dream could parallel with my life.

 I've since become very adept at dream interpretation. I'm the best at my own dreams, okay at friend's dreams, and just so-so with stranger's dreams. This dream sent me on a real world chase to figure out what they mean and why we have such a variance in the complexity of dreams.

 So, do you have any epic dreams? If you would like a general interpretation, let me know and I'll see what I can do in my free time.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Randoom Book Review: Hallucinating Arkansas

 Have you ever wanted to trip acid without the bad effects and without ingesting actual drugs?

 Then I suggest you read "Hallucinating Arkansas".

This collection of in your face poetry and soulful writings is authored by Tim Bowen.

 The title piece, "Hallucinating Arkansas", starts it off with a bang. Shocking imagery mixed with fluid lines pull you into page one and flings you through to seventy-two on an eventful trip not soon to be forgotten.

 Timothy Bowen employs different styles across the work. From the cryptic "Lad at the Fit Harvest", that looks at first glance to be a list of some sort, to a compelling scene involving a circus worker in "Our Clown", he shows his wide range as a wordsmith.

 Timothy's irreverent manner made dry subjects come alive with ultra-vivid detail. In "Future Headlines", his reporting from the future allows us insight to his mad genius, while still making us pee ourselves with laughter.

 Take seventy-two pages, wring them with sexual tension and emotion, throw them in a barrel of belly-aching laughs. Then soak those soul-heavy pages in IQ juice to reach 9000, and you still wouldn't have as entertaining of a read as Tim Bowen's "Hallucinating Arkansas"!

Read it here.
The Official Blog of Timothy Bowen can be found here.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Randoom Design: Custom Pillow

Feeling like 'rand'paging through the streets, I asked the universe a question today.

"What is it that I need to work on right now?". I delivered this without of the hint of expectation that grew inside me. This specific query is a rather frequent one to the Universe from little old me. If I prepare myself for the answer, it'll  happen.

 Today the answer was, "Fix your pillow situation.". Sounds silly, but to me, dreaming is serious business. While I'm sympathetic to those who need their 'beauty' sleep, I focus on the more mental/spiritual side of sleep. I've got to log rem hours in order to function.

 My last pillow was a microfiber retail nugget for sixty bucks. The thing was so cush that it would lull me to slumber like an army of crickets and cicadas beating out a slowing rhythm.

 When I moved in with my ex, her dog ate the pillow. Although it wasn't the point of the eventual break-up, I still resented her for not replacing my precious pillow. I held on to this resentment until I let it take hold of me and rot me from the inside out.

 Standing there after getting the answer from the universe, I got to work. I found a fluffy pillow with some embroidered letters on it. It was in the shape of a pretty big heart. I didn't really care for the looks, but it was filled with micro beads. I then took 2 medium sized book covers and stuffed the pillow inside those. Here is the final product:

 It's got lumps in just the right places, has a fuzzy spot for my cheek, and squishes with maximum bounce-back.

 The pillow is the transducer to the dream world.

 I spray mine with a pleasantly scented product before falling into the middle of the earth to sleep.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Part Three: Ghosts

 I used to get really freaked out at horror movies and ghost stories because I was sure they were the closest thing to reality one could get before actually seeing a ghost. That ended when I started having night terrors. They eclipsed everything I had watched in movies, tv, and the internet. The dreams would involve vampires, zombies, and lots and lots of gore. Not to mention storylines that closely tied me to the unwanted action unfolding in my REM's.

Dreams are the only place I can actually say that I've seen 'ghosts'. I know they were only figments of my imagination, but they were very real to me when they happened.

 The closest thing I've ever gotten to a sighting while awake was a few months ago. I had gone camping with some family members and took my camera. I ended up taking around one hundred pictures. Most of them ended up being of the campfire that we had made, just because I liked the effect I could create by moving my camera around while leaving the aperture open for a while. This amused me for hours that night. I would look back at the pictures and see images of flaming dragons, magma spewing horses, and hot as hell wood nymphs in them. I did this so much that the battery of my camera went dead on the first night.

 When I came home three nights later, I started uploading all of the pictures to my computer. After doing so, I began messing around with them in my favorite graphics editor. I started by taking a seemingly nondescript photo of my tent, which had a camper in the background. I then stacked a layer of a different picture of the fire over that one. I messed with the opacity some, then put another picture of smoke on top of that. After reducing the opacity on that one, I noticed something that looked creepy.

 I zoomed into the window of the camper in the background, and there he was. It was a figure of a man who looked to be in his fifties. He was fat, balding, and had beady eyes. Those eyes spoke of grave misdeeds. He was wearing overalls and was holding a dripping section of meat in his hands. He was grinning as if to say "Look what I've done!". I was freaked out, to say the least.

 I started looking at the individual layers to see if there was any such man in my shot. None. Just the camper window, flames, and smoke. I showed the people who were there at the time. They all saw it, except for one guy that refuses to see anything his mind won't allow him to. I think he saw it, but he was too proud to say it.

 Before I could save the work, the power went off. I've since tried to reproduce the effect, but have not been able to choose the same two photographs that I superimposed onto the camper window. I'm still working on it today, maybe I'll get the right ones and be able to post it here.

 To make sure you don't leave empty-handed, I'll post the picture I think most looks like a flaming bird drinking a bottle of magma-brew.

 Have you seen or heard any ghosts or spirits?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Part 2: Monstas

Now most of you that know of Sasquatch, ore "Bigfoot" most likely don't view the thing as a monster. My view differs due to a sight I saw  outside of an evil church down a dead end road.

Nick and I had been searching the net for local haunted houses and scary places. We wanted to prove to our other friend, Tyler, who was as skeptical as he was pale when the shit went down, couldn't allow us to go and not see anything without him laughing at us.

 We didn't see a problem with schooling him in the ways of being "scrd", as we'd call it. We set off for the dead end road in Nicks black '84 Trans Am with T tops and hoped for the best and worst.

 "Sorry Ass pansies!", Tyler called us from the back seat. Then he lost all control while laughing at us. He chortled  so hard that he started spewing sputum until he ran out of breath, then sneezed onto the winshield.

 "You're already messing my ride up, man. I can't wait until you're cryin'!", Nick shouted at his bud in the back. He then just leaned back, put one arm out the window to glide with the wind.

 The car seemed to be scooting very slowly, onto the damp red clay road. A fog entered the air in the car. We were all startled by the sheer pronunciation of this energy. Even Tyler took a minute to remind himself to laugh at us. Although this time it was more of a nervous chuckle. I could sense that Nick also felt the bad vibes, but you wouldn't have known it to look in his face. Stern stubbornness mixed with curiosity shone through his lackadaisical expression.

 I was not 'cool', in the least. The fog was getting thicker. The sense of evil getting more intense by the second. I had even looked at Tyler and shook my head to assure him that he was not alone in being scared. I wanted to turn back and gave my friend the go ahead to beg for our lives with the same visual cue.

 "Nick, you gotta turn back, man!", Tyler squawked. "Who cares if you win some egotistical bet, man? Whoo-whoo look at me, I'm dead, but at least I proved to Tyler that ghosts existed before my head got ripped off.". All of this was delivered in the most serious of deadpans that a friend can give another friend.

 Nick didn't give two or three shits to Tyler's begging or my agreeing. He parked at the gate of the scariest small building in the world. You'd expect this amount of evil to be emanating from a grand field, or warehouses, but no this thing was tiny. The roof was the only thing above ground. The other occupants of the property were trees of an old age. Bordered by a forest to the north, a single oak stood across the middle of the building. Nick took the keys and hurled them over the fence. He was still wanting to mess with Tyler. He was now messing with me as well, and I didn't take it very well.

"Alright man, lets hear it for slow poky choky!" I brought out the worst name ever! He hated being called that ever since his childhood, but I wasn't caring about right then. Neither was Nick.The name didn't even affect him, he bounded over the gate before we knew it.

I only got a feeling of safety once. That was when Nick retrieved the keys and put them in his pocket. After that brief vacation from the hell that was this strange place, I lost sight of Nick. So suddenly had I lost track of him. I knew this was a bad sign.

 I knew I was about to see something. Call it 'spidey' sense, intuition, or spiritual harmonics, I could know things before they'd happen just then. I knew to look at the tree line right at the point of the old oak. From there I saw a silhouette run as a shape of Sasquatch through the treeline. This was faster than I've seen any human move. It went from the east end of the forest to the western side of the property so quick that I only spied Nick walking back to the gate because he started into a jog in my side vision.

 He went from walking to running in another second, and with a shot, he bolted over the gate in one bound. He got right in the seat with the keys at the ready. Peeled out and got us the hell on outta there. We'd heard that an army of SUV's usually follow ppl to their destinations and take care of them, but we weren't worried. We were just glad to be gone from that place.

 In addition to my monster sighting, Nick said that he had voices in his ear that sounded just inches from where he stood. Those voices were telling him how they were going to torture and kill then play with his corpse. It was bad, I'd have run as well.

 There's always skeptics, and there's always believers. As long as we can have both and nobody dies, then we're fine. This has turned me from skeptic to believer. If you'd like to leave a comment, or share something similar that happened to you, then please do so below. I'd like to hear that and critiques. Thanks..

Monday, July 25, 2011

UFO's, Monsters, and Ghosts: My experiences seeing the unexplainable Pt.1

 From the days of cavemen drawing strange looking creatures on cave walls to the current youtube vids of strange flying objects, humanity has wondered if we were alone in the universe. I can't really say what I've seen is from another world, but I know it was definitely not something that civilians have not been exposed to.

First, my UFO story. It was before the turn of the century. I was contacted by a childhood friend that had moved away. He was in town and wanted to hang out and find some parties.

 Let me give you some background on my friend. We'll call him John Money, for reasons of privacy. I had met him in junior high scool. We shared many interests, including video games, conspiracy theories, and ufo's. He was by far the biggest prankster and compulsive liar I'd ever known. There were days when he would come to school with stories of being abducted by aliens the previous night. I would always start by telling him that he was full of it, and that there was no proof that his outlandish story had actually happenned. Throughout the day his story would wear on my skepticism so much that I would finally start believing him. Once he knew he gained my trust, he'd spill the beans that it was all made up. I'd get so mad that he'd take advantage of my eventual gullibility, that I'd refuse to hear about his body transfers, monster sightings, and anything else he'd made up.

 Back to the search for a party, we headed out with his new friend 'Colby'. Colby seemed like a cool enough guy, just another party goer for us to joke around with. We piled into John's little Nissan truck and headed to a place up north of town. We had heard that there was a smashing party there. Well, after we got there we noticed that the destination was just full of people like us who were looking for another place to go have fun. They had little to no idea of what to do. After the most boring 15 minutes of our lives, we had decided to get out of there and find our own fun. This is when the sighting happened.

 After bolting out of the door, John ran to his truck and sat facing us from the parking lot. Colby and I looked at each other with facial expressions that echoed "I'm definitely not running". We just kept walking slowly down the sidewalk toward the parking lot when a bright amber light started glowing in the sky. I was staring at it, not really having it register as unusual until I noticed that Colby was watching it too. The light was the same color as some of those street lights and seemed large. We looked from the light to each other and said at the same time "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?". There was no need to answer, we looked back toward the light. It then traced an 'S' shape across the sky before it vanished at the horizon line.

 We both immediately started exclaiming 'UFO'. Jumping up and down in our excitement we were trying to tell John what we saw. He just laughed at us, thinking we were joking around. After getting in the truck, we relayed what we had just witnessed to our mutual friend, Mr. Money. He refused to believe us and chalked the situation up to us trying to 'pull one over' on him. I don't think there was a more appropriate time to see one of those things.

 Have you ever seen a UFO? If so, do you think it was piloted by aliens or part of some secret military project?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Slap That Wacky With a Ruler Before Posting!

 Hey, everyone! Glad you're patient. I've been wondering what my second post would be.

 Randomness is all around us, so I've sure had lots of ideas. From posting impromptu recipes to making stories out of seemingly unrelated weblinks, my mind has been trying to capture the true essence of random.

 I had a dream this morning. It seemed like the ultimate candidate for a post. There's no real regularity to my dreams, other than they follow a some kind of timeline. I sat up trying to remember the dream in it's totality for quite some time when I realized that most of my dreams hop around and need a bit of filling in the blanks before making it readable in a blog.

 This got me thinking on another thought. The more random a post is, the more unreadable it becomes. There has to be a glue to make it all cohesive and understandable. So, I've decided just to post snippets of the dream that I currently remember.

 I'm standing in a classroom setting. Not a normal classroom, mind you. This is a converted doctors office with carpet everywhere. Cubicles covered in the brownish carpeting are placed throughout the space. I sense that I'm late for something, but have not heard the instructions. 

 "Sit down and start the test", the stern looking teacher tells me. She's got more wrinkles than the walls have carpet, but her tone puts such a fear into me that I can't move at first. I'm broken from the spell when I hear a mumbling from the left side of the partitioned corridor. 

 It was the first question! The students are asking the questions to the test. I quickly move toward the sound and find that all of my classmates are younger than I am and that everyone else has heard what I couldn't make out. I take a seat diagonal to this speaker and say something about speaking up.

 I look down at my paper. It has a multiple choice style answer sheet with a comment line for every question. I don't understand, but strain to hear what the guy who's going over question one again is saying. I still don't hear him, so in the comment field I write, "Could not hear, no applicable answer".

 The digital bell rings and everyone else hands in their paper to the prune witch in the center of the padded cells. I don't wish to agitate her or even make eye contact, so I proceed to look about for something else to do.

 The strongest part about these snippets of this dream is the anxiety that I felt when I realized I needed to find a seat and start taking the test. It gave me a larger sense of dread than when I looked into the angst riddled eyes of the teacher. There were other parts of the dream that had better feelings, but those were too fragmented to make into paragraphs. Either I will get better at remembering, or start to embellish more to plot out my brains entertainment for you.

 I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did writing it. Dreaming is fun, remembering is also fun. Now if I could just do both at the same time!

 Take care, and don't forget to leave suggestions or comments for me. I exist for interaction.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Randoomblog Premier Post!

Welcome to the Randoomness!

This blog mainly focuses on things of a random nature.

You can use this blog as a place just to get away and catch
a different point of view on almost anything in the world.

I will post pictures, write trains of thought, and
basically pander to the universe's chaotic
random nature.

Thank you for following me and 
for your troubles, 
I'll post a nice little