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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Randoom Dog Training: Fixing The Face Licking and ACTA problems.

 I have a friend who has a pretty darn obedient dog. His pet minds human commands very well. But the obedience the wee thing displays only goes up to a point. The problem I have with "Dolly",  is that it likes to sneak those 'kisses', licking me when I do not wish it.

 If I ever saw a human clean their own bung by mouth, then try and give me a lip-lock, I'd go all Spartacus on them,(I love that show, and I'm doing some plugging of copyrighted material because this is also a combined post against ACTA,).

The establishments in power that wish to snuff out our freedoms by enabling ACTA, (Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement). Those who wish to take away parts of our net, and hence our freedoms, are just like disobedient dogs to me. They crap where we don't want them to by sprinkling their feces upon our wondrous internet. The mutts of this collective piss on the shiny floors of the web that we tread upon. They eat their own dung,  needing no sustenance from us, the master. These mongrels speak in a similar language of barking too often and loud, making their message discernible only to their own. And to top it all off, to lessen awareness, these mangy animals lick upon our faces to appease us.

 ACTA is unlike SOPA and PIPA. SOPA and PIPA were mere toy poodles crapping in the corner of a tiny room, only confined the the U.S. of A. ACTA is a mastiff that looms larger than any other dog. This is not legislation created in the United States, but around THIRTY NINE countries that would be signing up for an international trade agreement that would be considered law if passed by the separate governing bodies.

 Each country seems to be acting as a different part of the dog's body. The U.S. and Canada have already signed on, giving the mission legs. The European Union is for this as well, providing a body to the terrorizing dog that is ACTA. The animal is not yet fleshed out, for the European Parliament has yet to give it's say, and therefore making it lack a tongue to lick with.

 With real dogs, so many people succumb to the face licking, although they'd be better off not having the body part was just moments ago rubbing along the canine's most private parts, slathering itself upon our lips, teeth, and tongue. Most owners that allow this kind of filthy misbehavior are allowing themselves to be blinded by an old wives tale that stated, "Dogs mouths are cleaner than a human's". They are not and never will be.

 I fashioned a cure to make sure those  flesh colored toilet papers that come from their canine maws into our human mouths. I will list the ingredients and instructions as a recipe below:

 1 fl oz Tobasco or equivalent hot sauce
 1 fl oz of Vinegar
 2 fl oz of sour spray (you can find this in your local convenience store on the candy isle)

 I. Mix the ingredients together in a tightly closed spray bottle by shaking vigorously.

 II. Spray along areas of your own face that you know the bad dog will lick you.

 III. Have dog lick you one last time.

 IV. Listen to dog whine in dog language that it never wants to taste that again.

 V. Enjoy your new non-face licking dog

 Now that's not too hard, is it? Oh wait, some of you will not wish to have your skin burn so much in the application of the offending fluids to your facial area. For those too weak to attempt this, (not me, for I even marinated my mustache and basted my beard in the tingly juices), I will tell you that a few layers of cheesecloth on the outside of clean layers around your mouth will provide the same taste to the disobedient dog.


 How can we apply this same cure to ACTA? By our European brethren and sisters shunning the good things that the European Parliament give them for a while. By disallowing all attempts of the parliament to butter up the public,(trying to be 'cute' with facial licking), they will get their undivided attention. Once asked why the EU public are not receptive to the so-called 'gifts' that they offer, the people can then site ACTA as the reason for their unhappiness. Then, maybe we can be free of that nastiest of trade agreements.

Anybody ask for a sheep Dragon? Modification with original by rootoftwo

28 comments:

  1. If you spray that on your face though, wouldn't that burn your skin? Screw ACTA by the way!

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    Replies
    1. It does burn, however it only takes one lick for it to become effective, then you can wash it off of your face.

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  2. ACTA, SOPA, PIPA, H.R. 1981

    WTF is wrong with our leaders? Bunch of fucking morons. And btw my old neighbor had a German Shepperd that obeyed commands in German lol. Sick

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    1. Sad that I'd only be able to order the dog to be 'vunderbar' and tell it that I had a big 'pimmel'.

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  3. ACTA is the lamb that spaketh like a lion.

    Or was it the beast with seven heads? No, that's the European Union...

    uhhhh, ACTA is the lamb that spaketh like a dragon~! Yeah, that sounds cooler.

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    1. Everything is much cooler with Dragons!

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  4. I think I would just use my hands to keep the dog away from my face but your method might also work.

    Any attempt to curtail the free flow of information online should be opposed by internet users.

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    1. Hopefully all tries shall be thwarted!

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  5. Replies
    1. We have the Bastard From Bellingham to thank for that!

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  6. we need the sheep dragon to battle down acta and its vermin followers

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    1. I have summoned one to do so. Hopefully we can all place faith in it's ability to lay censorship to waste.

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  7. hmmm SOPA/PIPA are scary things, let's hope they stay down for good!

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    1. They may, although ACTA and other bills still threaten. Some say we will never have a reprieve from the oppression of those that wish this type of power.

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  8. I totally agree with the dog licking thing! Bleh, grosssss hahaha

    and I never heard of the ACTA. Thanks for educating me :)

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    1. Good to see that the function of the post is working.

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  9. That is one badass sheep dragon. I personally hope that we can all band together like we did for ACTA. Europe helped America out with SOPA, let's get a little payback. The entire world needs to take note of ACTA, and fight it. Fight it we will too.

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    1. Thanks. I am eternally grateful for the help we got from our European siblings. The time for recompense has come!

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  10. Didn't really know the difference between SOPA/PIPA and ACTA, great way of explaining it!

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    Replies
    1. Right on, I was hoping that it would make sense to someone.

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  11. This is all bs on top of bs! Crazy world!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's hard to even track all the stuff that's going on now.

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  12. That's probably one of the most in-depth cross-analogies I've yet read in a blog. Bravo, and I agree, sometimes you've got to burn a few tongues to save your liberties.

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    1. A 'Bravo' from you makes me feel as if I deserve a six-pack. Let's burn some tongues!

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  13. Loved the way you described ACTA and SOPA! engaging and hilarious

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  14. That sheep dragon is nuts! You are the best!

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    Replies
    1. Naw, I'm second best. You've got a higher rank!

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