Custom Search

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Randoom City Battles: Monticello- UT vs. AR

Disclaimer: I am not an expert at pitting populations against each other, but it is something I'd like to see. The spirit of competition can improve whole cities! The only other goal for this is to provide much needed entertainment for you, my wonderful readers. Now to it.

 Monticello- I always think of the place where Jefferson lived that's now a national landmark when I hear the name, or look at the 'tails' side of a nickel. But since this is my first installment of "Randoom City Battles", we're going with the cities of Monticello, Utah and Monticello,  Arkansas.

 WEIGH IN-

Monticello, AR- Population of  9,146
Monticello, UT-  Population of 1,958

 Sheer numbers say that AR wins this category, but looking deeper, the population density of both areas are a bit closer, with AR at 852 people per square mile and UT with their tribute to Boeing with 757.

 ORIGINS

 Mont.,(as I will be now abbreviating the city name) Utah was created in 1887 by the front-runners of the Mormon faith. Their Arkansan counterpart was born around 1851, through the benevolence of a land donation, giving them a little more time under their polite, southern belts.

 Cashcow's

 In the first half of the 20th century, Mont., UT was a great place for Uranium mining. You weren't somebody unless you had a little uranium in your pocket(I bet that pocket was glowing!). The demand for such a radioactive material had subsided by the 60's, and recent attempts at government cleanup have produced such gems as "The Hideout Club", an 18 hole golf course positioned close to a reclaimed mine site.

 Utah's Mont is fortunate to be the site of Canyonlands National Park and Newspaper rock. The Canyonlands are a series of seemingly-endless canyons eroded out of rock that people seemed to like to etch upon. Newspaper rock is  a series of petroglyphs, or carved 'drawings, upon stone. I call them "prehistoric blogs" because I'm sure that they were just saying then what we are still saying now. They even had a 'A Beer For The Shower' cartoon on one,  I swear I saw ABFTS on that stone! I know I wasn't tripping, there were no mushrooms around today. On average, 423,792 people flock to visit there every year, giving it some massive tourist muscle .

 Arkansas' Mont. doesn't have so much to say as far as natural formations, but it does have some eye-candy in the form of college co-eds. This city is the home of  University of Arkansas at Monticello. It provides the area with much needed higher education and vocational training. With just 2,942 students enrolled, it doesn't see as much traffic as UT's cashcows, but their mascot is the 'Boll Weevil", the boll-frickin'-weevil, as I like to call it. You can't get a more polarizing mascot anywhere.
A Boll-Frickin'-Weevil!


Both Mont., UT and Mont., AR, are county seats. Being the administrative center of their respective areas, they have resources available to them that other places of the same population do not. Arkansans have taken so much to having county seats, that they have 11 counties with more than one county seat.

AR also gets the edge with 8 notable citizens,  3 radio stations, and a newspaper. As of this publishing, there are none in UT.

So, now that we have a little knowlege of the places, we get to the fight!

 Fistfight- AR wins- UT seemed to be taking the punches well, but the supplement to the Bible that they used as shields started burning asunder when the spirit of Brigham Young was summoned into a frat house, and thus pummeled back to the afterlife.

 Technology race- AR wins again. UT tried what cavemen had figured out long ago. Blogs are only useful when read. Those in AR used actual computers to gain the influence of their peers as those in UT were scratching rocks for the tourists to laugh at.

 Zombie Apocolypse- UT wins this one with a big margin. The topography of the place is not conducive to the accuracy in which a zombie chases a human. Even with my latest pair of New Balance, the undead couldn't keep up with those living among the caverns and mountains. AR went down so fast because the second a zombie showed it's ugly corpse on campus, someone immediately went to give it a bro-hug, getting bit and spreading the infection faster than beer down a bong.

 Afterlife- In the afterlife, AR wins out. They had remembered the "Mountain Meadow Massacre" of September 11, 1859. After their deaths, Arkansans from Mont. take down all those responsible for the needless murder of their ancestors.

2nd Disclaimer: I used wikipedia for my quick bits of research. If you find something wrong, let's call it an error and chalk it up to me being so utterly human that I take pride in something wrong.

32 comments:

  1. it would be rather interesting battle haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And such is why I have brought these to you. I parade each town in front of your eyes for measure. I march them, each in view of your discerning eye, so that you may glean their differences. And by such, know which shall prevail and which shall burn asunder.

      Delete
  2. Yeah, but "Zombie Whoop-Ass" should trump all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If your assessment of a city is to make proper protections from the zombie hoard, then yes, "Zombie Whoop-Ass should trump all.

      In my utopia, Utah is used for such a reason. But in light of economic addictions I fear that Montana is our saving grace.

      Delete
  3. I think this was a pretty unfair fight. Arkansas need to pick on someone their own size. Maybe New York vs New Jersey to finally settle that fight?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfair?!!!? You're damned right, unfair. Those Utah born mormons versus some nomads from the hills and mountains of Arkansas? Mormons weren't as meek as semblanced by historic image. No, they were so fearful in their visage, that even the peasant women shed their linings in secret darkness to hide from their gaze. The gaze that embodied all that was Mormon.

      Sorry, didn't have control of the keys there for a while. Oh well.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. And random shall be provided for you, by the amphora full!

      Delete
  5. PFFFFT, now I know DAMN well where I'm goin' once the Zombie Apocalypse hits, hell maybe even before it does!

    Thanks for the heads up, bro!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anytime I can assist a brother in surviving, I shall! You owe me one?

      Delete
  6. New York Vs. New Jersey?? LOL Let's goo...hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That will be reserved for when I've actually researched and possibly visited both places. With the current knowledge I have of both areas, I would provide a very biased and prejudiced view of each city. Both of the cities in this first battle seemed to be more of a nature that I could tackle. I will, however, get to the point of doing such grand wars with great cities. I just have to get a few 'BFE's under my belt.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. I like the concept of votes! So there's one vote from the comments for UT and 0 for AR! Monticello, UT is winning! Yhanks for that, T. Roger Thomas!

      Delete
  8. Really different article.. Cool stuff though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always willing to provide some 'different'. Thanks for digging it.

      Delete
  9. Hello! Very interesting blog! I decided to follow Your blog!
    caucasusgeography.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nothing wrong with using Wikipedia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. That second disclaimer is redundant and needs to be redacted. I don't think I'll be able to get to that, but if I do I shall attempt a more humorous route.

      Delete
  11. Wow! Boll Weevil. First time I heard that word.

    ReplyDelete
  12. reminds me of the presidents of the usa :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. which reminds me to invest in the presidential dollar coins.....gotta get a bag of washingtons back.

      Delete
  13. Another interesting post. THanks for the read :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem. As long as my quirky mind comes up with these things and I can physically travel somewhere with wi-fi, I'll keep doing so.

      Delete
  14. A city's true power lies in how it deals with a zombie apocalypse! Fun read!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I'll put you down for UT on this one.

      Delete