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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I've Failed, But Had So Much Fun Doing So

So, I've failed. Yes, I can admit it and feel no shame.

 What is it that I failed at, you ask?

 My girlcott of Mal-Wart.

 A certain annual happening has brought gifts my way. One of these was a gift card to none-other than Mal-Wart. Everyone but the gifters know how much I detest the place.

 I know there are places that are supposed to buy cards, but I don't wish to become victim to another online scam.

 Anyway, I decided to utilize the gift and look the horse in the mouth with the most optimistic eye I could.

 This trip had to be special. I took it upon myself to not hitch a ride, but walk the three and a half miles to the store. With each step I would count another positive thing that would happen due to this pilgrimage. I came up with so many that by the time I was at the front door I had a smile in my eyes. I even called Cliff, the greeter, by name. He was so impressed by my proper nature, he thanked me with the most respectful ardor I've ever seen displayed at Mal-Wart. I was feeling like royalty in rags. A ninja king, mixing with the peasants, the jesters, and the mutants. I looked around for those types, but they seemed to have been held up by previous engagements because all I saw around were hot women.

 Hot women at wall market? Yes! I promised myself not to speak at them. I have this wierd block that keeps me from talking to women, just in case they're taken and their boyfriend/husband catches me talking to them. If a woman ever got beat or mistreated because of me, I'd feel so bad.

 Anyway, I still made four women laugh. Without speaking. I felt like the American version of Mr. Bean. One of these women were with her husband and child. I had dodged them once with my cart at the detergent end cap because I tend to travel at a great pace and the kid got in my way. I had to backtrack into them again due to getting turned around in the lawn and garden department. Having nearly bumped into her cart a snails speed, the beautiful woman broke into a raucuous laughter. I ended my vow of silence as I begged for pardons. Her continued giggling set my guilty heart free. I blushed because I was almost certain her husband hadn't had her laugh at his jokes that hard in years by the look he was giving her. Oh well, I found everything I was looking for and headed back to current couch I surf.

 I had about 40 pounds of materials to walk another three and a half miles. I balanced the load by draping the new 100' extention cord over my neck and carrying two sachels in each hand.

 It was heavy. Every time I would get a little sore or need to adjust, I would think of those in third world countries that have to walk over five times my little distance with way more wieght  just to make sure their family has enough water to drink and use everyday. It was very humbling to make the distinction between their rough world and my comfortable existance.

 The cord around my neck started to feel less like a tool and more like a fashion statement. People honked at me, I got recognition in the form of head nods from folks that had never seen me before. I even recieved a few whistles as I lumbered down the thoroughfare with my burdens. My mood must have had me glowing.

 It was a good day, overall. I've got more jobs lined up. Both odd and graphics! I'm getting this hustle thing down, right in the nick of time. Small business is tiny, but powerful!

 I appreciate you guys and gals. Thanks for sticking with me in these different times.


  1. I don't see the part where you failed. I mean, aside from stepping into Wal-Marx

  2. Hey we're your loyal bastard readers. I'm glad the experience wasn't too bad, but don't become weakened, or you will wander back there.

  3. Walmart down there is just so scary it seems. Although it does sound like not a bad day was head, you got some giggles, some nods and some honks, what more could you ask for?..haha

  4. You are a much better person than me!!!! I need a REALLY good mental health day to EVAH attempt to go to Wal-Mart.

  5. Maybe just a temporary lapse in the girl-cott, not complete failure forever? Still wondering what the 100 ft of cord is for..? Good luck with the jobs!!

  6. thank you for the sweetest comment! means a lot

  7. Lol... you're almost as big of an attention seeker as I am! This was a brilliant post - loved hearing all about your day. The cord around your neck sounded particularly dashing ;-)

  8. Is Wal-Mart that bad, most upbeat post I've read for a while, couldn't see any failure!

  9. Oh how I hate walmart too!!! I don't blame you for boycotting it! You were brave for venturing in there.

    P.S. I want to see a real life version of Mr. Bean!!!! hahaha

  10. Sounds like quite the walk! And I agree things are always easier when you think of those who have it harder!

    Wal-Mart has hot girls? Dang! I need to break my girlcott of that place and check it out!

  11. Remember, it's the times that you get up after a fall that counts.

  12. Sounds like your day was OK and I don't think anybody is abandoning you because you have things going on, but I hope the best for you! If I walk out of Walmart and still have a smile on my face, then it is a successful trip:)

  13. That does NOT sound like a fun walk home, in my opinion...