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Sunday, September 29, 2013

Distractions and Fear of Failure


 I'm so glad that I am able to be posting again. After losing my oh-so-sweet laptop to some thieves, I took a while to obtain this new temporary machine. It's really nothing(literally doesn't have a hard drive or a working battery), but it will have to get the job done for now.

 School has been very gracious to me. Since I'm such a late bloomer, it fits that I'm an elder freshman with little life experience to draw from. Sure, I've worked for more than two fortune 500 companies, had my fair share of apartments and duplexes, and a few too many scrapes with death, but in terms of the biggies( marriage and kids), I'm inexperienced.

 This works for me in school. I'm able to group myself with almost any of the other students and feel comfortable, save for the occasional distractions and fears.

 To elaborate, I've switched seats in one class so I could focus more on my work. I was sitting close to some younger students who seemed to talk a lot more than I was used to. So I moved around close to someone that was quieter. There was a hitch there, because in doing so I inadvertantly caused myself another distraction.

 Ever since grade school, I have been in love with infatuation. I could never seem to get over the crush, or even through the stages that brought normalcy to a relationship. Being a homeless starving artist, I didn't have much opportunity to surround myself with any chances to feed that addiction of adoration, but now I seem to get pulses of oxytocin when I crush on my favorite female. I guess I'll have to either move again or let my feelings be known. I doubt I'll do the latter because of my immense fear of failure.

 "Fear of failure is the beginning of failure itself", I told myself in a written quote the other day. It seems that once I embrace the anxious hesitation that accompanies thoughts of failing, everything falls into place to make that happen. It occoured during a crucial assignment in class. I had a breakdown of sorts in front of the teacher and my peers. As embarassing as that may seem, it would only be eclipsed by quitting(something I am not going to do). So, tomorrow I will be behind in my works and sitting on an island to myself. The trick will be to forget all that happenned and work happily and eagerly.

 That's it for now. I'd like to keep this blog and my other cobweb-filled site updated as much as possible(I don't know how any full-time students do it), so I'll see you all next time.


  1. Well one can know and fall flat on their face or not and do nothing, rather fall on my face

  2. I'm sure glad there's nothing for me to fail at right now, because after reading this I sure felt like I would. D: