D'update

I've been watching TV shows again. 

 I'm enthralled with comedies. These distractions of laughter are sometimes what I think I need at the time. They feel good.

 On the scholastic front, my nose is still inside the book. Not too far in to where I can't focus on the words, though. There's a danger in that.

 I'm picking up projects, dropping others, and putting some on hold for now.

  The best thing about my newest project is that I can use the experience to help the homeless. Yay! Let's destigmatize this group!
  
  Another project I have utilizes my graphical prowress. I know I don't have many good examples here, but maybe I'll share some soon.
  
  Writing is now back in vogue. I have neglected my own creative spirit by only writing for sholastic reasons, but now other realms are opening to me. 
  
All this time, and I still defy life by being single. Not just a bachelor, but a loner. I have a social life, but not one that involves anything

akin to a relationship. Those don't come my way often, but I'm glad to say that I trust that they will continue.

 I'm writing a poem currently, here's the plot:

1.  Hungry Traveler walking down a path
2.   notices a beetle crossing ahead of him
3.   Traveler stops, so does beetle.
4.   Traveler entices the beetle to cross by drawing a line in the path with a stick.
5.   Beetle crosses the path and leads traveller to money.
6.   Traveler heads back the way he came.
7.   Traveler returns to beetle and lays before him a meal that costs all of the funds.
8.   Traveler walks away.

Here's a shiny desktop wallpaper I made recently:

The shape I see when I think of the world/universe

Life and Photography: Death of a Devoted Dame and a Dual Critique

 Hookay, I'm back and just in time for the end of spring( which feels more like late fall or early winter to me), and I've some news from life and such with some learning thrown in the bag.

 School is hool. I'm not what kind of word hool is, but if it's created sometime in the near or distant future, it will be exactly what school is to me right now.

 I received my first bad grades this semester. When I had come to terms with the subjective failures( two weeks before grades were posted), I thought of how I could improve. Going from Dean's list to D-list was something I can't afford to focus on. "Just pinpoint the mistakes and think of how to overcome them next time.", I told myself.

 This year has already been very rough. The woman that raised me passed away after v-day. It was all too quick. One day she's fine, the next in the hospital. After a week, she gives up the angel. I did not get to be at her bedside to see her last physical moments, but I was able to speak to her on the phone when she was refusing everybody's call but mine. That in itself was her way of saying that she felt I was special to her. I was still in denial of her mortality before, during, and after the short two-minute conversation. We spoke about the last game involving our favorite college team and how proud of them we were. Through her speech, there was a indication of finality. I didn't hear it then, but going back to the last words she ever said to me, I know that she believed in me and cared for me with all of her heart.

 "I love you". They sounded like a language that was more than English. It surpassed being an amalgamation of all languages interpreted into one and became the simplest human feeling. I was very blessed to not only know one of the most caring individuals on earth, but have her in my life for guidance, advice, and unconditional love. Hardly anybody gets to be lucky enough to have that kind of love.

 Since her passing I have had two would-be fatal experiences. Saved by either inexplicable or too explicable ways, I quickly attribute my physical safety to that angel that helped shape who I am. She always said I had a big heart, and it's time to show her that I can use it.

 I spoke with a new friend the other day and an idea came to me. He told  me of his friend who had a few serious health issues. The lady has leukemia, and sometimes has to wear a mask in public to keep from inhaling dust or particles that would attack her already weakened immune system. I knew that those patients had to seriously be aware of cuts and scrapes, but I had not factored in the air we breathe.

 There is a stigma to wearing any sort of medical device in public. Deep down people perceive weakness, sickness, and their own mortality when they see others around them wearing an apparatus in public. Due to this aversion of thinking about such things, those who are being helped to normalize their life through these devices are shunned and stigmatized by the society they wish to assimilate to.

 This is where my idea comes in. A designer respiration mask, worn by the afflicted in public would help shape a change in the perception of the wearers of the mask by the public. Instead of being stark-white with clinical styling, these filtering units would sport different art and graphics on them.

 Several different styles and categories come to my mind, animal faces, prints, and textures, are at the forefront. Next would be the famous robot mouths series featuring all the great binary pie-holes from television and movie history. The options go on and on.

 Now to the photographs. Since I got what I deem a bad grade in my photo class, I'm doing some off-season learning of my own. This is a comparison of two digital photographs that I took last fall. Both are from the same building and shoot. Both feature peeling paint as the main subject.

No.1

This photograph was taken at a shutter speed of 1/6th of a second with an f-stop of 5.5 and ISO set to 1600. Although the fore and background are blurry, the only in-focus area is shrouded by shadows as well as obfuscated by the sharp lines of the folded paint's edges. This could be due to my precarious position atop a chair to take the photo. If a tripod were used, there'd most likely be more mid-ground in focus. The overall composition seems better than average, however with the orientation as it is we are able to tell this was above a door frame, making it predictable. Usually peeling paint makes for great textures, but with the sections of paint here being so large, these pieces would not lend themselves to repetition easily. The lighting in this one creates good shadow play in the foreground and center, but the background is devoid of any the interesting organic curves. I describe the colors as mismatching. The pale blue and off-white seem to work well together, but mixed with the green and yellow makes the whole piece seem like an undone patchwork. This photo gets a C-.

No. 2

This photograph was taken at a shutter speed of 1/80th of a second with an f-stop of 5.6 and ISO set at 400. The first thing we notice in difference to the first photograph is the orientation. I did rotate this in my program before putting it here, but I took this with portrait orientation instead of landscape. This creates the illusion of a floor or base, instead of showcasing a wall. Floors>walls every time, plus how many times are you going to find peeling paint on floors? Not too many. The second thing we find here in contrast to the first image is that the area of focus is larger than the previous. This is probably due to my holding the camera flush against the wall before pressing the shutter. A steady shot equals less blur and more interest for sure. Even the peeling paint is curling into cones and cylinders which creates a great variety with that ever-needed element of repetition. The specular highlights from the unpeeled paint give this piece a feel of liquidity and newness. For the old to co-exist with the new is to capture a social reality in aging materials. Those peels that sport the highlights in the foreground assist the eye in moving around the photograph. This photo gets a B.

 Thanks for sticking around and reading, looking, and commenting. I'll be working on a collaboration this summer, so look forward to seeing some design work. 

 Have fun and stay on earth,

                                           Shockgrubz 

Deadlines and Life!

Seems I am doing everything I can do not to get my final projects finished. That includes the rare treat of writing you, so it's not as bad as it seems.

 I wrote a little bit on Newstuff before this one. I'm taking time out while letting glue and stuff dry to update this space.

 I found me a woman. She is very accomplished and loves her some me, so I feel a bit of stress over making sure that I don't end up seeming needy through my starving artistry phase. Although, she and I both came to an immediate agreement that this may be just for now or something else and that no one has possession of anyone else.

 The sense of freedom from jealousy has been delightful. I have yet to find someone on the same page with me in that department and with her, she's peachy keen.

 School has been going. That is one of the major reasons I don't update this blog much. It feels that much of my time has been ripped away from the computer, but now I'm able to come back and write/create it up for the summer.

 There are so many projects due and so many ways I can distract myself from doing them. Let's hope that this editing and such goes very well.

 Thanks for allowing my language to massage your retinas for a minute. Much obliged.

SS from a recent project in Blender. Fun Stuff!!

Distractions and Fear of Failure

 Heya!

 I'm so glad that I am able to be posting again. After losing my oh-so-sweet laptop to some thieves, I took a while to obtain this new temporary machine. It's really nothing(literally doesn't have a hard drive or a working battery), but it will have to get the job done for now.

 School has been very gracious to me. Since I'm such a late bloomer, it fits that I'm an elder freshman with little life experience to draw from. Sure, I've worked for more than two fortune 500 companies, had my fair share of apartments and duplexes, and a few too many scrapes with death, but in terms of the biggies( marriage and kids), I'm inexperienced.

 This works for me in school. I'm able to group myself with almost any of the other students and feel comfortable, save for the occasional distractions and fears.

 To elaborate, I've switched seats in one class so I could focus more on my work. I was sitting close to some younger students who seemed to talk a lot more than I was used to. So I moved around close to someone that was quieter. There was a hitch there, because in doing so I inadvertantly caused myself another distraction.

 Ever since grade school, I have been in love with infatuation. I could never seem to get over the crush, or even through the stages that brought normalcy to a relationship. Being a homeless starving artist, I didn't have much opportunity to surround myself with any chances to feed that addiction of adoration, but now I seem to get pulses of oxytocin when I crush on my favorite female. I guess I'll have to either move again or let my feelings be known. I doubt I'll do the latter because of my immense fear of failure.

 "Fear of failure is the beginning of failure itself", I told myself in a written quote the other day. It seems that once I embrace the anxious hesitation that accompanies thoughts of failing, everything falls into place to make that happen. It occoured during a crucial assignment in class. I had a breakdown of sorts in front of the teacher and my peers. As embarassing as that may seem, it would only be eclipsed by quitting(something I am not going to do). So, tomorrow I will be behind in my works and sitting on an island to myself. The trick will be to forget all that happenned and work happily and eagerly.

 That's it for now. I'd like to keep this blog and my other cobweb-filled site updated as much as possible(I don't know how any full-time students do it), so I'll see you all next time.

On Tenacity

 Well, it finally paid off. All those times harping on the same thing and trying different things to get that one result have made the world part ways and allow me to go to school.

 You heard right, good ol' Shock is going to have a degree at some point in the not-so-far future(That is if things go well, and I'm going to make sure that they do.)

 Someone asked me what kind of job I'd get when I got out of school and I said "afterlife" because I do not see myself being anything other than a lifetime student. I will always be working towards getting better and having a sense of what I need to work on in life. Nobody's perfect, especially me and my stubborn brain.

 I raise the proverbial glass in the air, salute the powers that be and drink myself into an intellectual drunken stupor on all of the words, images, and ideas that I can now immerse myself into. It took so much time getting here that I didn't think it was ever possible, but now that I am here I can't see any other alternative. I must succeed because I've fought so hard just to get to this port of entry.

 That last post was more of a placeholder than anything else, and I'd like to replace it with something that makes a little more sense. This may make some sense, but it's some back petting that usually comes from the high of attaining a difficult thing.

 There's no more time for today, but I know that I will be here again to see and interact with all of you great people.

Randoomblog Podcast One

 I hate the sound of my own voice. I hear a lot of people do, but I'm not sure they have as much disdain for their own vocal sound as I do for my own. I don't know what it is that makes me so irate when hearing myself, but it does get under my skin like nothing else. But if I'm ever to conquer my fear/hate of my own voice, I'll have to use it and have other people hate/fear it as well.

 I stole the idea of a voice podcast from Mark. Thanks for that one, man. I'm not too lazy to type, but it's the ease of just talking that draws me to this type of post.

 I also stole part of it from That Bastard From Bellingham. Dude has a seriously entertaining voice. I don't, but I did one anyway at the same site he's got a few on. Great stuff, check out the evolution of 1200 lbs. of Metal.

 I give a few shout outs, or hellos to fellow bloggers. I could not include everyone, as that would take so much time that nobody would be willing to listen to my five hour long list of hellos and piss offs. Nah, there's only one piss off there, but it's a doozy. I plan to deal with the backlash after it's published.

 It's taking a while to publish, but I'm typing. It would be a great disservice to you to waste your time with these written words AND expect you to listen to the ten-minute long diatribe. So I will sum up the whole thing here:

 TL;DL *too long didn't listen

 Randoomblog. School. I want to couchsurf and go to school online. My mic sucks, My trackpad button is broken, thought it was a virus at first.

 My voice, sucks. I use accents to give it some flair. I use accents to make others laugh at me funning with the telemarketers.

 Shoutouts to Mark, Bastard, Al, B&B from ABFTS, Lord Phrozen, and someone else, I forget who.

 Request for ideas for new podcasts/posts.

Thanks bunches and don't let the space teddy bears eat you alive.

Growl or something similar

Update: The audio is not ready. Once it is I will embed it here.